I thought long and hard about it. Telling you that “I love you” would be an insult to not only what I feel for you but also how you have been holding us together.
Love is inadequate, superficial and too shallow a word to describe the intensity of how our lives are entwined. I no longer believe in shouting and voicing what I feel, from the rooftops. The deep lake of our silence has more stories than a loud, raging ocean beating and bruising a coastline.
I may have said this to you a thousand times earlier or maybe never before in life, it is of no consequence. Call it telepathy, coincidence or sharing a common vibe, I connect with you in more ways than one can imagine. It is strange how you complete me in a way that no one else can and yet you leave me with such a void in my core that I can never fill this hole in my heart.
The longing never dies even when we are together. It is impossible to explain why my fingers keep searching for your touch even when I am holding your hands in mine. I am insatiable when I crave for your smile. I need you just that bit more, just that bit longer and the pining never ceases. It’s almost like breathing your essence in, till my lungs explode and still wanting more. My thirst can’t be quenched – I need you and then I want you more.
My soul craves for you just as much as my body does. I worship you and I lust you with equal fervor. I can sit at an arm’s length just looking at you and sipping the nectar off your lips with my gaze or I could be there wrapped up in a sheet with you under the stars and wake with you blanketed in my arms when the morning sun hits us with its first rays.
I have lived long enough to know that we may never have a life together, yet I wake up every morning hoping for it to bring that much needed twist in our tale. While the dream is soft feathered, tickles and pleasures, the brazen reality strengthens my resolve to stay honest and wait until eternity.
If it was only love holding us together, it would have failed us long ago, perhaps much before we even dived into this abyss together. The only way I can describe this infallible intensity if by assuming that my life is fused with you and that we perhaps are part of the same soul chipped into two bodies.
I am in sheer reverence of what binds us together and simply adore how we transform and become someone else in each other’s presence.
I adore the way you blush when I look at you and I feel elated and grander when you make me feel wanted. I don’t think I can ever love you now. Declaring it as love would now seem like a demotion and juvenile.
I breathe you, I feel you flowing in my veins. I miss you with every beat of my heart and I crave for you with every fleeting moment.
I “live” you.
We are the lost pieces of a jigsaw that makes the big picture complete and together as a single entity.
I “live” us.