When Love Ends…

I wanted to pour myself out in a letter. I wanted to write down an account of all what was happening and tell you that something somewhere was horribly wrong. I wanted to apologize for all nasty things I was saying. I wanted you to know that this was not normal and things should not take this course. I wanted to tell you that it was ‘me’ - the one who belonged to you and wanted to implore why were we doing this to each other. I wanted you to know that I love you and have always loved you just as ever and it was one thing that I believed, would never change. I wanted to put all of this in words for you to read when you were a little less angry. Maybe then you would have cooled off again and we could have gone past this little bump as well. Maybe had you not denied my request to meet, we probably could have ended up all our arguments just as ever – holding onto each other.

Instead, you chose to remain angry and I chose to concentrate on other things happening around me. As a result - though knowing that our underlying feelings and emotions haven’t changed, our superficial selves remained entangled with trivial bonds that attached us to our other lives and we called it a day.

The letter that I wanted to write eventually never saw the light of the day. All that could have made a difference remained unsaid. The silence tore through the years of companionship, through all the seasons of belongingness and ripped the single soul that we shared in two pieces. The sharp corners of cut glass words pierced through the sheets of softer dreams and the feathered promises burnt and showed the scalded skin beneath. The woeful tale of love being lost to unmindful speculation and untended careless parts of speech repeated yet again.

When love ends, the world turns just a tad off-shade. The hues are a little less brighter, the vision just a little blurred. It is as if you are watching the world through an old 14” TV. No sharper images, no visible contrast. The days pass off in a haze and before you even realize it, the mirror announces that your days are over. The silver in your hair oozes out and your toned temple is reduced to a withered tomb.

When it happened to us, you decided to return to your make believe world of presumptuous happiness and I wandered off to a distant oblivion that separated us for a lifetime. The window that we had was lost forever. I realized it the moment I turned around, probably you figured that out too, yet we did not turn back – neither to claim each other or the life that we had. Another birth got wasted. Another lifetime went down the drain.

Perhaps we shall meet again, some day, some other life. We shall meet to never part ways, to never lose out on each other and to never give up. Perhaps you would be born as a line on my canvas. Maybe I would be reincarnated as a mole above your lips. Who knows? Maybe this is just a gate that we walk out separately from, only to find each other in the light that shines outside. 

Till then, I bid you farewell my love. I shall wait for you on the other end of the road. Walk over when you are ready and I shall carry you and take you home, our home.