Asphyxiation

The noise within, returns sooner than I thought it would. I have no means to muffle it anymore. It began as a feeble static and has risen to a shrill cry that drowns every other note. I can no longer hear the sobs that once,  held my pieces together.

I have been crumbling inside. It feels like I am nothing more than sawdust filled in a plastic bag – easy to cut, prone to tear and waiting to spill out in a heap. I lost the sense of purpose long ago and have been whiling away my time out of some vague but compulsory responsibility. It would’ve been easier if I hadn’t volunteered to offer my neck for the noose.

My chains repress my attempts to find a crack in my prison cell. My confinement reeks of my failure and constantly reminds me what it could have been. I know the sky was a real possibility once – distant but real. Now I can’t even acquiesce to the requests that my humble belongings make. The liquid of the days have flooded my being and mixed with the grain of the nights. I can’t bear this heady colloid. It makes me dizzy and yet keeps me sleepless.

I have lost the will to pick my ashes again and find myself another urn. I sit by the banks of the black river. The rocky bed feeds the sludge that flows on it. The stink rises and suffocates. It makes me throw up every now and then. I wish I could run away but this is where you left me and asked me to wait so I sit with a vain hope that you would return some day and take me with you.

I continue to suffocate and can no longer tell what a whiff of fresh air felt like. The asphyxiation lingers on and drags me through another day, another night, another sip…

Image courtesy – Slevin Aaron