A Cage Called Hope

It is funny how people around you see the silence you are engulfed in and fail to hear the noise inside. The mind works overtime, echoing shrill cries inside the head and just because words fail to lend meaning to these echoes, what goes inside, mostly remains unsaid.

For a long time, I did not seek a listener. The emotions often spilled over to some text and it sufficed. I burnt mostly what I wrote, washed away any paint that I put on a canvas. The clean slate kept me hidden, concealed me well and in a way kept me protected. It is the expression that makes you vulnerable. It allows people to judge you. Even if no one understands any tiny bit of what you aspire to achieve, everyone suddenly have an opinion and a word of advise about how and what you should not be doing. Everyone who you chance upon and meet somehow acquire a right to give you a direction, point you to an ambition and then take upon themselves to demand results of your actions.

I never understood who I was answerable to and why. I do not condone someone else trying to take reigns of my life. The legal and social obligations to a relationship not withstanding, I have largely been my own person. Every passing day reminds me that there is less and less of me left for consumption. If I can’t take charge of my own being, why should someone else be conferred a right to use me?

Today, as the last standing pillar crumbles and brings the roof down on me, I realize that I was unnecessarily trying to fill the void inside by something external. The vacuum inside is part of the universe that surrounds me and all the life around me. It connects me to the One above. It keeps me grounded and humble. When I lose this vacuum, I no longer remain myself. It wasn’t you who was holding me back – it was me all along, foolishly trying to fill the emptiness inside.

As I rest tonight, I will make peace with this void and make it mine. I will let go of all the tethers, one at a time and liberate myself from seeking any horizons. I realize that hope is the greatest chain one can be prisoned with. It is an invisible noose that keeps a man from flowing out. You waste time trying to battle the inevitable. Hope blinds you and you overlook the fact that all you needed to do was to sit back and make peace with the dark empty corners within yourself.

As I give up on hope, I feel lighter. There is no pressure or a need now to change anything around me. I submit myself, lose my being and reclaim myself. It’s time to take the plunge and let myself soar – to dive deep and fly high. The cage has been broken and the lark set free.