Some Diwali.. Eh?

It had been a Diwali of firsts..

First Diwali ever that I have been away from home, first ever that I have been officially working and getting my brains gnawed at (having my brains chewed on is not the first time though), first ever that I did not light a lamp or anything (well, I could have just did not feel up to it), first ever that there has been silence all around and first ever that doesn’t feel like one actually.

The funny thing is that I don’t even feel much except for that sensation in your head when your subconscious keeps reminding you that there is something special waiting to happen when in reality nothing is actually on. I mean, I am not sad or low or anything, just that it feels different like the time when my folks decided that I was old enough not to need a birthday party any more.

I agreed to the decision made that time only to start saving my pocket money three months before my next birthday was due and when it came around I just went out and had a party on my own. Maybe I should go ahead and do something just for the heck of it, maybe crack open a bottle or two and binge on some exotic sea food. Not a very religious idea but then I don’t really remember when was the last time I just let my guard down and went crazy just because I liked it that way…

But then who am I fooling? I guess I was never bred that way to be able to just stand up and break free from the system and live life on your own terms. In a moderate middle class reference frame of values, you really don’t get much choice. You don’t have an option to waste your time and your parent’s hard earned money on ‘trying out’ things and ‘explore’ and ‘pursue’ what you are good at. It always is a make or break case and more often than not, you are expected to make it and well make it big enough to recover the material invested in/on you.

Ah well, back to the Diwali thing, I guess festivals are over rated after all. The only fireworks that really work for you are when you have a spark inside. There isn’t much left anyway. Not after I spent that last 2 hours watching the back to back episodes of a re-run of ‘That 70’s show’ (the truth is that they still were 2 best hours spent in the day). I guess I shall get up and drink to that…Cheers Diwali.