As I rode back that evening after meeting you, an empty road and a gentle breeze signaled a perfect closure to the evening. It had been an evening well spent. We met as planned, went to the place we wanted to, had a good conversation over food and drinks in time to return to our separate lives.
Later that night, as I threw my head on a pillow, I realized that even in that pronounced feeling of elated contentment, it wasn’t the excitement of the brief intimacy that we shared but the wry emptiness of our individual lives that gelled us together. The vacuum in our beings was the suction that kept our falling pieces fused to each other. It occurred to me that we needed this sadness in our lives to keep alive the frail threads of hope – the hope of finding a morning sun that doesn’t ask us who we are and how are we related.
I agree that there isn’t much to us. There wasn’t a definitive past, there may not be an architected future. We dwell in an uncertain, hazy present where all we have is little moments that we call our own. The time I held your hand as we crossed a road together, the moment when I adjusted the shawl on your shoulder or when I adorned your ears with those trinkets are woven together in my memory along with the strand of jasmine that I bought you the other day. No matter how many of these tiny drops of time you collect in your palms, they will never quench the thirst that has now become an integral part of our being. Yet, I still need you to sprinkle these drops, every now and then, on the barren stretches that we find ourselves in, to keep the dust settled.
All these years, I lived happily with my mediocrity and average ambitions. I did not dream of scaling any mountains or achieving any greatness and had resigned myself to the notion that there is a larger good in remaining oblivious of the opulence and luxury that life has to offer. I am living within the same walls, using the same space and resting my head by the same corner as I did decades ago. My needs are few and my means are limited but now I want just a little more.
I want to squeeze out the last drops of every minute that I get with you. I want to make the most of my pale pulse in this mundane life and kindle a rage in my heart that keeps the blood in my veins gushing forever. I want to follow your lead on another afternoon, carrying your bags as you check out every single shop at the market. I wish to hum to the songs in your playlist as I drive you back. I hope to carry you to your bed and tuck you in someday.
Fueled by your thoughts, I rise above the rest and soar high. My flight knows no bounds. In you, I have found everything, I ever needed to feel complete. You are the wind beneath my wings and I now want to seek new horizons and find ourselves a nest on a meadow, in the hills overlooking an ocean.
I will now close my eyes and savor this moment, feel my heart beat and listen to “थोड़ी सी ज़मीन... थोड़ा आसमान.. ” playing in the background.