Busy

Nope, I didn’t lie when I said I was busy.
I WAS BUSY.

When you thought I was sitting idle staring at a blank screen, I was busy debating the voices in my head. When you walked past me sleeping on the couch, I was busy listening to my heart drumming against my chest. When you were miffed at me for not wanting to accompany you to the market, I was busy finding shapes in the lines of the marble on the floor. When you ‘found me’ wasting my time doodling, I was busy tending to the stories brewing on the pages of my sketchpad. When I refused to visit relatives on a Sunday morning, I was busy repairing the edges of an old photo album.

You only assumed that I was NOT busy based on a perception you had of how ‘being busy’ looked like. Maybe you imagined that I would be buried behind a pile of books or be frantically keying in text for some office thing or maybe doing something physical, sorting, piling, raking, digging – I don’t know.

Sometimes I can be busy without realizing a need to explain what I am doing. Like the other day when you nagged me for not wanting to go out for dinner, I was busy writing down the recipe for a happy meal, I could cook for myself someday. Similarly day before yesterday, when you questioned my wanting to sit by the window sill and watch the sunset instead of running your list of chores, I was busy trying to remember the lyrics of a song that I was humming when I got soaked in the rain last month.

In fact, to be honest, the only time I never claim to be busy is when I am working through a monotonous daily spreadsheet or taking a client call or doing something that I feel obligated to do. On most other times, I keep myself busy, looking up shapes in the clouds or painting a canvas with hues only visible to me or feeling the texture of broken, incoherent verse.

Maybe, it is just about the priorities or the difference in our perception. I don’t see the need to indulge in this rat race anymore. There is no joy left in collecting or hoarding stuff for pleasure. It is important to deal with life, one day at a time, enjoy your meals, savor a drink with a friend, relish your coffee when it rains and marvel at the beauty of sand slipping out of your fingers than wake up one day and be surprised at your empty hands.

In a nutshell, I intend being busy and you are most welcome to join me.