Walls

Walls are built brick by brick; laid out one at a time.

However, once the final structure is complete, it becomes one single, big barrier. You can no longer view the contribution of every single brick but you know that they are there, even if plastered and no more visible individually. The same is true for relationships, you will never remember all arguments uniquely. They will all get fused into one single disagreement that will make you forget all the good that ever was, dividing you and keeping you on different sides of the wall.

It was earlier this year that I heard someone talk about windows in a relationship. We see only as much as these windows allow us. Beyond that it is just us imagining what we would like the other person to be. Unless one, carves a door in a wall and is allowed a view of the other side, all relationships will remain based on wishes, presumptions and our illusions. We will continue to be blinded by a promise that is actually only ours to keep. It is not even the hope of finding a perfect match or an embodiment of a soul mate, it is just about the desire of being accepted the way YOU would like to be. We keep grinding against this hope and at times, cause enough damage to fit in and stick, and at other times, we just erode away from each other more than needed and crumble and fall apart.

In the end, it is all about patience. The one who gives up first, inadvertently becomes the villain in the story and the other one, who prefers to stay lax wins all the sympathy by playing the victim card. It is ironic that relationships are judged by who dealt the last blow to kill it, even if we agree that it is not the fault of the last straw that breaks a back.

There is always this inexplicable need to judge and blame a wrecking relationship on one person. Our society still hasn’t evolved enough to understand that maybe it never worked for the two people involved – together as an entity. The one who chose to shut the door first is unanimously declared guilty. How would you otherwise determine who the culprit was?

Perhaps, just for a moment, think about the possibility that the person walking out of a relationship hails days of his life more important rather than spending them in a claustrophobic, legal binding that has outlived its purpose and is no longer capable of breathing sunshine back into your soul. What good is a clumsy spirit and a lackadaisical heart? If you can’t walk out for your own good, you can’t possibly serve any good by staying back either.

The walls are alright, I think. But maybe one should not rush this job of bricking up the doors and windows. It should be done together with a close eye on how the concrete is filled in. The closure should be a reason to celebrate, crack open a fancy bottle of wine and raise a toast when the fork in the path arrives. Be happy for the other person and for yourself.

e generous, do not divide the assets. Carry the memories you made and leave everything that was bought to the other person. Promise to never see each other again. Forgive yourself before you feel equipped to forgive and forget anyone else.

Just remember to breathe…you owe it to yourself.